Sleeptalking
by Threepwillow
Summary: When you're less than fully awake, your true feelings can come sneaking up on you. When you're history's greatest Spirit Detective, assassins can come sneaking up on you. :::KuwabaraxYusuke, I'm new to this fandom so be gentle::: NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

(**AN:** All right, here it is: my first foray into the mostly dead world of Yu Yu Hakusho fanfiction! I think this is the first time I've written fic before experiencing the entirety of canon, so apologies if I screw anything up, but I'll try to just avoid things I'm not knowledgeable about. Also, just as a note: the video game in the fic is real! XD Thank you, Wikipedia.)

**Sleeptalking, part 1**

Kuwabara Kazuma started from his sleep suddenly, sitting bolt upright, hands clutching at the bedspread and sheets on either side of him. He was breaking out in a cold sweat; he was panting, just a little. He only had to think for a split second before making his decision.

He leapt out of bed, tugged on his shoes, and started running.

Kuwabara knew exactly where he was going. He just didn't know if he was going to make it there in time. Frantically, he wondered if anyone were awake to see him, barreling down the street in his thin white tank top and striped boxers. Even if it _was_ three in the morning, there might still be someone out. But he just hadn't had the time to put on regular clothes. This was a matter of life and death.

Huffing and puffing but still not really tiring, Kuwabara thanked the powers that be - especially the ones that he knew personally - that his "after-school job" required him to be in such peak physical condition. If he'd been hindered by having to run _any_ slower -

Shit, he almost missed the turn! Backpedaling as quickly as he could, Kuwabara righted himself and darted down the appropriate street. He was almost there, he was almost there...

At his destination, he all but dove for the mailbox, where he knew the house's less responsible occupant usually kept a spare key for when she wandered home too drunk to remember where hers was. He felt a little guilty bursting in unannounced - but no, now was not the time for guilt, because -- !!

Finally wrenching the door open with his fumbling, frantic hands, Kuwabara sped inside and up the stairs to the room in the house where he'd spent the most time. He had the door halfway open and the name halfway out of his mouth when it hit him.

Urameshi's spirit energy was still intact.

And the boy in question currently had his index finger leveled at the door, prepared to shoot whatever intruder was breaking into his house at three in the morning.

As Urameshi's eyes adjusted to the lack of light in his closed-in bedroom, he lowered his finger and pulled a face that was half irritated resignation and half angry confusion. "_Kuwabara_?"

"...Urameshi," he stammered, bewildered but sheepish nonetheless.

"What the hell are you doing here, Kuwabara? It's three o'clock in the friggin' morning! I thought we were getting hit with a B&E!"

Kuwabara was still having trouble getting his thoughts in order. "But...you're not dead!"

"What gave you that kind of stupid idea? Of course I'm not dead!"

"But - damnit, Urameshi, if you're not dead, then why would I have had that stupid dream where I had to - "

Oh.

_Oh._

And as quickly as he had arrived, Kuwabara Kazuma turned tail and fled from the Urameshi household, sweating a little more, panting a little harder.

He did bother to lock the door behind him, though.

He traced his footsteps all the way back through the streets of town; but it was less like he was running _to_ something, and more like he was running _from_ something. And in a sense, he almost was - but it wasn't something he could ever escape. Not now.

When he got back to his house his sister was awake, fretting about his absence, but he assured her it was nothing, and that he was going back to bed. This was mostly true. He was going back to bed, but he wasn't going to get back to sleep, not after this. And it most certainly was not "nothing."

It is never "nothing" to have a dream about kissing your best friend.

-xxx-

A week later, neither of them had said anything about it.

Kuwabara knew that Urameshi knew. He'd said enough to give it away - _that stupid dream_ had been enough to give it away. Heck, Urameshi probably remembered the dream better from last time than he did. Last time, of course, it had seemed completely ridiculous. Not to mention disgusting. Who in their right mind would ever kiss Urameshi? You'd have to be crazy. And the only people Kuwabara knew that ever _had_ done it - Urameshi's well-meaning but totally alcoholic mom, and Urameshi's cute but super-nag girlfriend - well, they were both definitely crazy.

Kuwabara was definitely _not_ crazy.

But he kind of wanted to kiss Urameshi.

They had just gotten out of school - Urameshi had actually come to school today, something about not wanting to fail this year because he didn't want to be a year behind Keiko and himself - and they were walking, not home, but to the arcade downtown, where they were going to meet Ookubo and Miyamoto. Kuwabara was stubbornly Not Thinking about the events that had transpired a week ago at three in the morning. He was trying instead to focus on their conversation. While at the same time not even looking at Urameshi.

"I'm telling you, your so-called 'high score' is crap and I'm gonna blow it out of the water," he insisted.

"Yeah right, Urameshi," said Kuwabara, kicking at a rock in the street. "You know I just got this game for my Super Famicom, right? I've been practicing with like, every ally character. There's no way you can beat me."

Urameshi's face twisted into a devious smirk. "Did you get all the way to the end and take the magic orb?"

"No way, dude! If you take the orb, you get the bad ending! You have to be a good guy and destroy the orb!"

"Yeah, but the video sequence is _so_ not as cool."

"Whatever, Urameshi. I can't believe you would give up doing the right thing just to look at some cool graphics." Kuwabara crossed his arms with a hmph.

"Relax, man, it's just a video game."

He sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

They kept walking, falling silent again. Kuwabara was still stewing about the game, but he consoled himself with the fact that there was no _way_ Urameshi could beat his high score if he picked the bad ending. It just wasn't physically possible. He couldn't wait to -

Behind them, and slightly to the right, something was there. Something Kuwabara had missed before when he'd been refusing to pay attention to...certain things. Certain things that suddenly re-entered his mind now that he wasn't distracted thinking about Magic Sword. Damnit!

But that wasn't important now. The important thing was that the presence, behind them and slightly to the right, was still there twenty paces later.

"Hey, Urameshi," he murmured, trying to be subtle. "I, uh, think we're being followed."

Urameshi said nothing for a moment, concentrating on trying to feel out the presence with his weaker awareness. "Oh yeah. How about that."

Kuwabara focused a little harder, too, thankful for another distraction. "Feels like a bunch of 'em. But nothin' too serious. We could probably take 'em."

"You think?" chuckled Urameshi. "I dunno, there might be some big scary demons lurking around in the shopping district."

Kuwabara grinned to match Urameshi's. "Maybe we should find out."

They slowed in their walking, and sure enough, the presence behind them - five guys, Kuwabara determined, now that they were closer - started gaining on them. As the shadows closed the gap between them, Kuwabara and Urameshi stopped walking altogether.

"On three," hissed Urameshi.

"Right," said Kuwabara.

"One...two..."

"Three!" they cried at once, and spun around to face the attackers. It was an unfortunate gang of street punks, probably from the high school or just barely out of it if Kuwabara was judging the age gap correctly. He almost laughed. It was a little embarrassing that these guys were planning to beat up on some junior high schoolers in the first place. It was going to be even more embarrassing when those junior high schoolers kicked their asses.

Pinpointing the ringleader was easy: he was exactly in the middle of the five in terms of height, with hair spiked up and bleached blond - thought it was turning a sick sort of green color, like he'd used some bad chemicals. Without even speaking, Kuwabara seemed to agree with Urameshi that they'd take out the other goons first and then head for the guy that actually seemed like he could accomplish something.

"Afternoon, fellas," Urameshi said casually. "Picked kind of a bad time to go scrounging for lunch money, didn't you? Considering most people had lunch about three hours ago?"

"Shut it, punk," said the shortest, twitchiest of the group. "We know you got more on you than that."

"We were just goin' to the arcade," said Kuwabara. "Hope you don't mind that it's all in quarters."

"Ugh, that's enough, twerp!" said the biggest guy, who also looked extra-twitchy. That was odd... "Just shut up and prepare to get beat!"

"Funny, I was gonna say the same to _you_!" Urameshi punctuated his final word with a lunge toward the big guy - but at the last minute, he dodged left and hit the short guy instead. With the bigger guy distracted, Kuwabara took his cue and caught him underneath his jaw with an elbow. He followed that with a kick to the guy's giant gut that sent him barreling into the tall weedy guy that stood behind him. Urameshi, meanwhile, was taking out the guy with the ponytail. They made quick work of the four lackies, and then turned on the guy in charge - who, oddly, hadn't said anything the entire time, or even jumped to the defense of his "friends."

"All right, blondy, the jig's up," said Urameshi as he closed in on the last guy standing. Kuwabara was grinning, about to help out, when suddenly a feeling like a freezing-cold bolt of lightning shot up his spine. Combined with the way the blond guy's eyes seemed to flicker whitish-green for a second, something was definitely wrong.

"Urameshi, look out!" he shouted, tackling him to the ground in the middle of a flying kick. That's when it happened, narrowly missing both of them: a gross-looking blast of purple-white powdery goo launched out of the guy's mouth and hit the back wall of the adjacent building. There, it slid to the ground like a wad of wet sand, leaving a streak down the wall where all the paint had been eaten off.

Urameshi gulped. "Uh, thanks...for that..."

Kuwabara was equally terrified. "N...no problem." They scrambled to their feet, readying their spirit weapons, only to be greeted by another gooey blast flying straight for them. Screaming, they just barely dodged.

"What the hell is this guy?" Urameshi stammered.

"I dunno, but I really don't wanna get hit by any of that purple stuff!" Kuwabara dodged yet another shot that was coming in his direction.

"What do you _want_?" Urameshi demanded of the thing, but it said nothing. "Oh, great, you don't speak human language, that's just _terrific_!"

"Urameshi, I don't think it really matters what it wants when it's trying to kill us!"

"Well then we'll just have to shoot first and ask questions later! _Spirit Gun_!" But the demon...thing fired off another blast just as Urameshi's spirit bullet raced toward it, and when the two collided they negated each other completely.

"That's...new..." said Urameshi, clearly unnerved by the weird goo-spitting thing.

"I guess I'll have to take care of this one!" Kuwabara cried, launching himself toward it. Another bolt of gross stuff came flying at him as he ran, but a well-placed shot from Urameshi rendered it useless before it could reach him. Kuwabara shouted his thanks as he lunged toward the creature with his spirits sword, making a rather large slice into its stomach. From the wound, it bled more of the purple-white goo.

"_Gross_," Urameshi commented as it let loose horrific squealing noises of pain.

"Tell me about it," Kuwabara agreed, coming to stand next to Urameshi and watch the thing writhe.

But then Urameshi frowned. "I hate to say it, but that almost seemed a little too...easy--"

And as soon as the words had left his mouth, the thing disappeared. Not in a puff of smoke or with any sort of shimmering teleportation - it just completely vanished from sight. As if it had never been there.

"Hey, where'd it go?"

"I dunno, man!" said Kuwabara. "But I'd hate for it to sneak up on us - no, wait," he corrected suddenly. "I can still sense its spirit energy. It's still here!"

"So the thing that spits acid goo at us can go invisible. That's reassuring."

"Shut up for a second, will you?" Kuwabara told him. "I'm trying to sense it out. I think it's too hurt to come back and attack us any more...but it's probably not going to die. Oh, there it goes!" He pointed off down an alleyway. "It's slinking away."

"Well let's go kill it!"

"We'd never catch it. Let's just let it go." He bent down to pick up his school bag from where he'd tossed it when the fight had started. "If it comes back for us we'll just kick its ass then." He stood up and smiled at Urameshi.

And suddenly, it was as if the fight had never happened, because Kuwabara was right back to square one: nothing to distract him from thinking about that horrible, awful, crazy, kind of _awesome_ dream every time he made eye contact with Urameshi. Or thinking about how flawlessly they worked together in a fight any more, without even thinking about it. Or thinking about tackling Urameshi to the ground, and the way they'd been sprawled on top of one another, even if it had been to save his life. And this time, he could feel it coming: he knew Urameshi was going to say something about it. After all, he was practically _staring_, wasn't he? And he'd been distant all week, just a little. It was going to take some kind of crazy bonding moment like getting attacked by a demon to make Urameshi finally say something about it. He opened his mouth to speak and Kuwabara braced himself for the worst.

"Hey," he said. "You've got blood on your face there."

Kuwabara blinked. "I do? Where?"

"Right there, by the corner of your mouth." Kuwabara reached up to wipe it away, but his hand came back clean. "No, the other side." He kept trying to get it, but nothing was working. "Further down. No, not that far. Damnit, it's right _here_!"

And then Urameshi's hand was gripping his face - not _gently_, because Urameshi didn't do gentle, but not with any intent to harm, either. Hand around the right side of his jaw, Urameshi's thumb wiped away the little smear of blood from the one spot by Kuwabara's mouth that he'd managed to miss consistently.

He couldn't help it. He bit his lip. Urameshi's hand was there, on his face, and his eyes were there, staring back into Kuwabara's own, and then -

Kuwabara had never known that you could do something _slowly_ and still have it be so sudden. But there was no other way to describe what happened next.

Suddenly, Urameshi slowly closed the gap between their faces, and pressed his lips against Kuwabara's. About three seconds passed before Kuwabara really understood what was going on. Then he reciprocated. Vigorously.

Then Urameshi's face and hand pulled away, suddenly, slowly, and he picked up his school bag, too. "So which ally is your best?" he said, turning and starting back off toward the arcade. "I mean, obviously you want the Knight, but you can't get him until later, so I usually use the Wizard even though he's so slow..."

Kuwabara just stood motionless for a couple of seconds, and then silently scrambled to catch up.

He could already tell they wouldn't be talking about this, either.

-xxx-

"BOTAN!" Koenma screamed for the third and loudest time. Oh, this was just not good. Not good at all. Why did the boy have to turn into such a celebrity?

"Yes, yes, I heard you, Koenma!" she fussed, stumbling into the room as best she could trying to run in her kimono. "Whatever is the problem?"

"You need to find Yusuke at _once_," he whined, wringing his hands and leaping up to pace in midair several inches above his desk. "Oh dear oh dear oh dear..."

"Sir, what is it? What's the matter with Yusuke?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S THE MATTER!" he shouted suddenly, unable to take it any more. "SOMEONE'S TRYING TO HAVE HIM ASSASSINATED!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Sleeptalking, part 2**

She caught up with them at the arcade.

Kuwabara had been getting kind of anxious. First of all, Urameshi was getting perilously close to knocking him off the high score on Magic Sword. He was obviously struggling, but he was still managing to rack up an insane amount of points. Miyamoto and Ookubo had even started taking bets, and while Kuwabara was a little pissed at Miyamoto for betting against him, he was more just nervous that he would be _right_, and that Ookubo would lose money.

Second of all, Urameshi had kissed him.

_Urameshi_ had kissed _him_.

And it had been way, _way_ better than he had expected.

He'd been expecting it to suck. Urameshi just seemed like the kind of guy who'd be lousy at any signs of affection, let alone anything physical. He was a fighter, not a lover, and he was actually kind of a jerk. Mostly, though, Kuwabara had kind of been _hoping_ it would suck. Then maybe he could just write it all off as a weird, crazy impulse and forget he'd ever even thought about it in the first place.

Maybe then he wouldn't really, _really_ want to do it again.

Urameshi had just picked up an extra life and things were looking grim for Kuwabara's score when a bright, almost-too-bubbly cry of "Yusuke!" came from the arcade's front door, followed immediately by a light blue head of hair and a swishing schoolgirl skirt. Botan bounded over to their machine with a too-wide-to-be-real grin. "And Kuwabara! How convenient! I need to speak with you two right away, please."

"Ugh, Botan, can't you see I'm in the middle of somethin'?" Urameshi complained, but Kuwabara instantly saw his saving grace. His own grin was entirely real.

"Hey, Urameshi, don't keep the pretty girl waiting, come on!" He reached out to tug on Urameshi's shoulder to pull him along, but then thought better of that much physical contact and instead just kicked him out of the seat. "She's obviously got something really important to tell us!"

Miyamoto made a face at the three of them. "Aw, c'mon, what could she possibly have to say that can't wait a few minutes until Urameshi gets to the end of this level? That way he can just pause it and - "

"No, no, if she busted in here so fast like that, it must be urgent!" Ookubo argued. "Let her take them, we can just move over there to the racing games or something."

"Damnit, Ookubo, you're just trying to win the bet!"

"You're damn right I am!"

Botan's grin turned a little apologetic, and while the other two were arguing, a reluctant Urameshi and a triumphant Kuwabara followed after her as she slunk away.

Outside, she tugged them down into an alleyway, where Urameshi immediately started protesting.

"Kuwabara, you jerk! That's totally cheating!"

"That's just your own crappy luck, Urameshi!" he crowed, laughing. "Guess my record continues to stand!"

"Look, this is more important than some silly video game!" Botan hissed, clearly angered. Kuwabara and Urameshi quickly shut up. "Yusuke, Koenma has recently received a report from one of our undercover agents in the demon realm that there's an assassin after you!"

Urameshi panicked. "Ah, geez! An assassin? But who would want to assassinate me?"

"Who _wouldn't_?" she said. "Yusuke, you're a big player when it comes to the affairs of spirit world! You've taken down a lot of very powerful people, and everyone knows how much faith Koenma puts in you. If just one person takes you out, everyone in the demon realm reaps the benefits!"

"Urameshi, this sounds pretty serious," said Kuwabara.

"You think?" he said. "You're not the one with the hit out on you. Say, Botan, you got any info on this assassin guy?"

She perked up as much as anyone could while talking about assassination. "Fortunately, yes! We couldn't get an actual name, but everyone just calls this demon the Dream Lord."

"Catchy," Urameshi interjected.

"The nickname stems from his strange demonic abilities. The Dream Lord can trap anyone in a never-ending nightmare of pain and suffering. I suppose they wanted you to suffer as much as possible before you actually died. To date, no one has been able to escape the dream and 'wake up,' so to speak."

"Ugh, sounds spooky."

"If you ask me, it sounds pretty disgusting," said Botan. "To put them into this state, the Dream Lord ensnares his victims with a sort of paste, which wraps around their heads and goes in through the ear canal to slowly burn the brain with the horrible dream. I've heard that on inanimate objects, the substance is much more acidic."

Kuwabara froze, and noticed Urameshi doing the same.

"That guy from before was the assassin?!"

"_What_?" cried Botan. "You mean you've already encountered him? What happened?"

"He was spitting this nasty lavender goop at us, and every time it hit Urameshi's spirit gun it just fizzled it out! Urameshi couldn't get a good shot in at all!"

"Yeah, and then Kuwabara sliced open his stomach, but he just ran away."

"He vanished completely! If it weren't for my spirit awareness, we'd've had no idea where he went."

Botan bit her bottom lip and looked at the ground. "Oh. Oh dear."

"Uh-oh," said Urameshi. "Oh dear what?"

"I'd...been hoping those rumors weren't true," she admitted. "See, we'd heard a couple of people saying that the Dream Lord also has the ability to blend in with its surroundings entirely. Sort of like an extremely talented chameleon. He can become completely invisible to the naked eye, and only be detected by someone with extremely high spirit awareness."

"Like me," Kuwabara murmured, beginning to grow seriously worried.

"Like you, Kuwabara," she agreed. "Unfortunately, _not_ like you, Yusuke. Oh dear, oh _dear_."

"So what am I gonna do about that?" he wondered angrily.

"Well, see...oh, but you're not going to like this..."

"Spit it out already, Botan!"

She sighed. "Koenma and I devised a training program for you to help you increase your spirit awareness. You'll do it in the spirit world in a place where time passes slightly more quickly. On earth, it'll take about a day."

"And in the spirit world?"

"...a week?"

"A _week_?" Urameshi shouted.

"Five days, really - "

"A whole _week_ of nothing but you and Pacifier-face telling me what to do?"

"Well, actually, it'd mostly just be me - "

"And meanwhile, everyone else back here on Earth is sitting around unprotected from a guy that's trying to find me and kill me."

Kuwabara took a bit of offense to this. "Hey, whaddya mean unprotected? I'll still be here, won't I? And my spirit awareness doesn't need any training. If he shows his ugly face again, I'll bust 'im a new one!"

Botan's was cringing more and more by the second. "Actually, Kuwabara, I'd hoped that you would come with Yusuke. To help with the training. He needs to bring a normal human as sort of a marker for things on the spirit awareness scale - "

"No way am I bringing him," said Urameshi, and the glance he shot Kuwabara said _there's no way I could be alone with you for a week._

Damnit, he'd hoped it wasn't going to be like that.

"Let me bring Keiko," said Urameshi. "She's probably more of a _normal human_ than Kuwabara is anyway. Plus, that way she won't be lingering around here to get attacked by people that are out to get me. I learned _that_ lesson when we were fighting the Saint Beasts."

"What an excellent idea!" said Botan. "All right, you should head on back to your place to pack your things, and then we'll go collect Keiko. And Kuwabara, for right now, you're honorary spirit detective! If anything begins to go wrong, or you get a sense of the Dream Lord lurking around, be sure to handle it as best you can. Got it?"

"You can count on me, pretty lady," he told her with a wink. For Urameshi, he only glared. "Guess I'll be seeing ya. It's a shame about that high score."

"Yeah, I'll just have to score some other time," Urameshi said sharply. He and Botan started to run off, and Kuwabara was left standing in the alley with that ambiguous comment still ringing in his ears.

He felt bad about ditching the guys, but he really just needed to go home and think.

-xxx-

It was only a day, but Kuwabara _felt_ like a week had gone by, just like it was for Urameshi. He'd spent all his money at the arcade the day before, so it wasn't like he could go out and do anything; the most exciting thing he did all day was go over and cat-sit for the older lady that lived next door, since she was gone on some cruise or something. He did really like kittens.

But with his sister at work and his pockets empty, most of the day he was just alone in his house. For a little bit, he did homework. For a little bit, he watched TV.

For much, much more than a little bit, he thought about Urameshi.

There were a bunch of pieces he had to put together. The first piece was that _dream_. Now that Kuwabara knew it wasn't another weird "bring me back to life" dream coming from spirit-Urameshi, more of the details of it were coming back to him, and none of them were really one hundred percent _bad_. Obviously, some of them kind of sucked - like the part where he was a dude kissing another dude, because that was just not something that he thought needed to happen - but for the most part, Urameshi had felt pretty good up against him like that, and the kiss part itself had been totally awesome.

Of course, he could just be accidentally fusing it with the _real_ kiss - the second piece of this. That one wasn't even his own fault - _Urameshi_ had kissed _him_. Maybe if he'd initiated this, it'd make more sense. He could just write it off as a one-sided thing that probably wouldn't - _and shouldn't_ - ever go anywhere. But Urameshi...he had a _girlfriend_. Why would he do something crazy like that?

Kuwabara laughed to himself a little bit at that. Maybe that was why you had to be crazy to ever kiss Urameshi: because he was crazy, too.

The third and least obvious piece, then, was that weird crack that Urameshi had made right before he left - about _scoring_. Kuwabara knew that sometimes he was a little thick about things, but he was pretty sure Urameshi had meant a little bit more than beating him at Magic Sword.

"_Damnit,_" he said out loud, causing Eikichi to perk up from the ball she was curled into on the sofa cushion next to him, "why the hell doesn't any of this make any _sense_?"

Suddenly, Shizuru was home from work. Kuwabara hadn't realized it was getting that late. As usual, he felt her before he heard her; she was always the person whose energy he could sense the most clearly with the least effort, because they were so attuned to one another. A few seconds after her presence registered on his radar, he heard her keys jingling in the door, and then she strode in to the house, a bag of groceries under her arm and their two pieces of mail stuck in her mouth. Skillfully, she kicked the door shut with her heel and managed not to drop a thing.

She spat out the mail into the hand that had been freed up once her keys were out of the lock and spoke to him. "Hey, Kazuma, have you moved from that spot on the sofa all day?"

"Sure I have. I had to go feed Mrs. Takahashi's cats earlier."

"And I bet you just sat on _her_ sofa being a lump instead, and then came back here," Shizuru scolded.

"Look, I just don't have a lot to do this weekend, okay? Geez, I would think you'd like it better that I was being safe and boring, rather than running around with Urameshi fighting demons and stuff - "

"I guess you've got a point there," she said. "You do spend an awful lot of time doing stuff that could probably get you killed. But that's kinda why I wish you'd got out and do something _normal_ for once instead, while Yusuke's out of town." She paused in both speech and action, letter opener hovering in her hand where she was tearing open the mail. "Maybe you could try dating some girls, or something."

The room fell silent. Kuwabara didn't really have a way to answer that.

After a moment she left the room to put the groceries away in the kitchen. "Oh, hey," she called back to him, "that video's gonna be due back at the store soon, you better watch it. If you're just going to sit on the sofa with your cat, and all."

He didn't like her condescending attitude, but he had to admit it was a pretty good idea, so he went and grabbed the cassette and popped it into the VCR. Naturally, the person before him hadn't rewound it all the way, so he hit the button to do that. Eikichi sat up and padded over to him and he was petting her head and waiting for the video to reach the beginning when someone knocked loudly on the door.

"Could you get that?" called Shizuru, but Kuwabara was already up, because it wasn't just _someone_ knocking, it was Botan. He opened the door to find her hunched under Urameshi's weight, supporting him under the arm over one shoulder.

Kuwabara gulped. He could barely sense Urameshi's energy at all.

"He's completely drained, I'm afraid," said Botan, worried. "I tried to take him home, but his mother and her friends were there, and it didn't seem like the safest environment, so this was the best place I could think of."

"No, no, that's fine," Kuwabara assured her. He slipped his own arm under Urameshi's free one, taking the weight from Botan and hobbling with the semi-conscious detective over to the sofa. When he set Urameshi down he groaned. Eikichi walked over and tentatively sniffed his elbow.

"He's not hurt, just totally exhausted," said Botan. "He could do with a good night's sleep and some substantial food. I'm sure he'll be fine by tomorrow."

"I've got it, Botan," said Kuwabara.

"Thanks," she said, smiling. She patted his shoulder, then turned around and left.

Kuwabara turned back to Urameshi on the sofa. He was wearing jeans and a baggy long-sleeved white shirt that looked like it had seen better days. His hair was falling halfway down from its usual slicked-back style, strands spilling down into his face. His eyes were barely staying open. He looked like shit.

It made Kuwabara feel lousy. This was one pathetic Urameshi.

He sat down on the sofa next to him, as close as he would let himself get. The movie had finished rewinding, so he pressed "play" on the remote, and when Urameshi saw the title screen of the credits he perked up a little.

"Hey, isn't this the sequel to that other one?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Kuwabara, a bit hesitant.

"I wanted to see this."

"Uh, cool. We can watch it. I was thinking about making popcorn, you want me to?"

"Nah, I'm cool."

"Okay then."

The movie started up. The first fifteen minutes or so were just connecting information, catching the viewer up on what had happened between this and the previous movie.

"...So what'd you have to _do_?" Kuwabara said finally. He was anxious to talk to Urameshi about his training - especially if it had zonked him out this hard.

"Lots of shit, Kuwabara."

"Like what?"

"Well, we had Keiko, and Botan, and Kurama in this room - a human, an authority spirit, and a demon. And they like...blindfolded me, and I had to learn to tell the difference between each kind of energy. Can you really do that like, without even trying?"

Kuwabara thought about it. He could definitely tell the difference between Botan or Urameshi, Keiko, and Kurama or Hiei. "Uh, yeah. I guess so."

"You're pretty friggin' lucky, then."

"So you did that for a whole week?"

"There were other things, too. More...more physical stuff. Like with Genkai. Except with Botan. Who's a much...crappier teacher."

"Yeah, I bet. Easier on the eyes, though."

Urameshi chuckled a little at that one, sleepily. "Yeah, you're right about that one."

The movie was still playing. The hero and the heroine had just split up on different courses of action, and it was clear that the heroine would probably end up getting kidnapped. Kuwabara sneered a little. These things were always so predictable.

What wasn't predictable was Urameshi suddenly slumping against him, drooping head leaning on Kuwabara's shoulder. "Hey, Urameshi..."

"Nnn, yeah?"

Kuwabara almost said something about it, but then decided...not to. He decided he...kind of liked it just like that. "Uh...how come Botan brought you here, instead of taking you to Keiko's place?" he said instead. Oh, yeah, because that was subtle.

"'Cause...'cause Keiko's still in spirit world..."

"What? How come? Is she hanging out with Koenma or somethin'?"

"Nahhh...with Hiei."

"What?! With that shrimp? Why's she doin' that?"

"Probably 'cause she's...got this big crush on 'im."

Kuwabara stiffened. This was suddenly way more important than the movie. "But I thought she was your girl!"

"She...she was, man. But Keiko only likes you till...till she fixes you, you know? Isslike...a project. And I guess she decided I wasn't gonna get her an A. So she had to pick some guy that was - " he yawned enormously - "that was even harder to deal with than me." Urameshi's face stretched in a sleepy grin.

Kuwabara thought about that, and it actually kind of made sense. "So I guess it's just you and me as swinging bachelors forever, huh Urameshi?" he joked, laughing in a way he really hoped didn't sound fake. He didn't get an answer. "Uh, Urameshi?"

Against his shoulder, the other boy had finally fallen asleep.

Careful not to disturb him, Kuwabara slid out from under Urameshi, laying his head down and picking his feet up to put him more horizontal on the sofa. He turned the VCR back off, along with the TV; maybe they could watch the movie tomorrow, when Urameshi could actually pay attention. He was about to walk up the stairs to his room to listen to some music and then go to sleep himself when Urameshi mumbled something in his sleep.

"You 'n' me...forever... Kuw'bara..."

And something about that, something about five sleep-muddled words coming from the usually dirty, totally male, unfortunately kissable mouth of Urameshi Yusuke, hit Kuwabara's heart in the most awesome way ever.

Awesome, except he was a dude feeling it about another dude, and that was just not something Kuwabara thought needed to happen.

(**AN:** Somehow each chapter of this fic just decided to get longer and longer. Part 3 is well over 3000 words. XD)


	3. Chapter 3

(**AN:** Here's the last chapter! Also, I need EVERYONE to go find **racereff **at deviantART and shower her with love and devotion because she's drawing fabulous fabulous art of this pairing, and if you think this fic is cool, wait till you see her mad photoshop skillz!)

**Sleeptalking, part 3**

Urameshi stayed conked out on the sofa until noon. At some point, Shizuru must have come out and given him a blanket, because when he crawled into the kitchen while Kuwabara was making lunch, he had the funny imprints of fabric creases streaked across the righthand side of his face.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," laughed Kuwabara as he doled out the rice he'd heated up onto two plates.

"Nnnh, shut up," Urameshi groaned, "I'm just hungry and that smells really good. I didn't know you could cook."

"I just used the microwave. These are leftovers from two nights ago."

"Oh. Well, still."

As soon as Kuwabara set the plate of food down in front of Urameshi, he dove for it, inhaling about half of it before coming up for air. "Ugh, that's awesome," he said. "I can actually _feel_ my energy coming back. I was pretty dead last night, huh?"

"Zonked," Kuwabara agreed. "When Botan brought you in I could barely even feel your spirit energy. I almost thought you were dead."

"You've been thinking that a lot lately."

The kitchen was filled with awkward silence. Urameshi went back to his food, and Kuwabara started eating his lunch too, trying not to think about...things. Trying not to think about the weird, blessedly conclusive but totally, totally _gay_ realization that he'd come to when he was laying in bed last night, unable to sleep, which was that he probably had a crush on Urameshi.

But damnit, he just couldn't avoid thinking about these things any more.

"Urameshi, I - "

"Look, Kuwabara - " Urameshi said in the same instant - but they were both cut off from whatever revelations they were about to make, because the telephone started ringing. After a split second of awkward, loaded eye contact, Kuwabara crossed to the phone and answered it.

"Hello?"

"K...Kubawara? Kuwabara?"

"...Yes..."

"Yusuke's over at your house, isn't he?" Oh, now he recognized the voice, especially with the totally hung-over tone it held: it was Atsuko, Urameshi's mom.

"Uh, yeah. What's up?"

"There's...a couple of guys over here, lookin' for him. Say they're friends of his."

Kuwabara paled. "One of 'em isn't like...a medium-height blond guy, is he?" Urameshi looked up from his lunch in fearful shock, too.

"Yeah, that's them," said Atsuko. "Are you friends with them too, Kuwabara?"

"Uhhhhh, yeah!" he said. "Actually, we should probably come meet them, uh, right now! Go ahead and have them wait outside, we'll be there as fast as we can! Bye!" Kuwabara hung up the phone harder than was necessary and immediately wolfed down the rest of his lunch. "Be've goah go!" he mumbled with his mouth full. He managed to swallow. "The guy, the Dream Lord, he's over at your place!"

"_Mom_?" Urameshi croaked, panicking as well. "Well don't just stand there _eating_, we've got to move!"

They quickly tugged on their shoes and burst out the door, and this time, Kuwabara didn't even bother to lock it. Some things just weren't worth it.

Even when his weird relationship with Urameshi was involved, kicking demon ass came first.

-xxx-

The two of them ran through the streets, desperately trying to reach the Urameshi household as fast as possible.

Well, this was familiar.

But this time Kuwabara remembered the proper turn, because as soon as they reached the intersection he started hearing the screaming.

"_Mom!_" Urameshi screamed, pouring on the speed, and Kuwabara had to struggle his hardest to stay right on his heels. Urameshi really was just that smallest bit better than him at this.

They approached the house at top speed to discover that the Dream Lord and his ponytailed sidekick from the previous encounter had broken one the front window and were trying to figure out the best way to climb into it.

"Good thing they didn't find the spare key in the mailbox!" Kuwabara blurted.

"Shut up, Kuwabara! Now is not the time!"

"Sorry, some stuff just comes out when I'm scared!"

But Urameshi wasn't really listening any more. Urameshi was planting a flying, spinning kick straight into the Dream Lord's face. He stumbled and backed a few paces away from the front of the house but didn't seem incredibly fazed by it.

"Yusuke!" Atsuko called weakly from inside.

"Mom!" Urameshi yelled back. "Shit's under control, don't worry!" He was landing blow after blow on the Dream Lord, but it was as if the demon could barely even feel it. Kuwabara, meanwhile, had only had to hit the ponytailed guy once or twice before he was down for the count and no longer trying to climb through the window. After Kuwabara knew not to expect anything out of him any more, he turned to square off along side Urameshi against the Dream Lord.

The demon's hair looked even greener than last time, and his skin was inhumanly pale. After a few minutes of feeling it out, Kuwabara determined why.

"He's having a harder and harder time maintaining a human form," he told Urameshi. "That's probably why your hits aren't working as well, because he's starting to get his demon skin back."

"There's a solution to that," Urameshi said with a grin, and he cocked his right hand back to his side. Kuwabara knew instantly that this was no punch he was gearing up for.

"Assassinate this! _Shotgun!_" he cried, and every blast from his volley went hurtling toward the Dream Lord. Several missed, and many more were met suddenly with nightmare paste issuing forth from the demon's mouth, but a couple of them hit their mark. One in particular struck the Dream Lord right in the crook of his left shoulder, leaving a big squirting wound.

Unfortunately, the substance that squirted from the wound was more of the purple ooze, and it splattered all over both of them.

Urameshi immediately went catatonic, eyes glazing over that same funny shade of lavendar. Kuwabara could barely scream out "_No!_" before it overtook him, too.

-xxx-

The next thing Kuwabara knew, he was standing in a big void of sickly yellow. There was no visible ground beneath his feet, which made things very disorienting. In fact, he looked around as far as he could, and saw nothing but the horrible color, swirling around him like some sort of gas and yet not like a gas at all. He knew he wasn't going to be able to rely on his sense of sight. His spirit awareness would have to point the way for him.

He called forth his spirit sword, wanting to be prepared for the worst, and was surprised to find that when it emerged it was glowing purplish blue instead of its usual golden color. Of course, in looking down at his sword, he also caught sight of his blue jeans - now a repulsive orange - and his red sneakers, now bright green. His white sweatshirt was now black.

"It's like Opposite World," he murmured out loud, and that's when it hit him: Yellow was the opposite of purple, and this sick yellow around him probably mirrored the purple of the nightmare paste exactly. So if he was trying to find Urameshi, he should look for another black-shirted, orange-jeaned figure in the void of pukey yellow.

"Too freaky," he whispered, and then, closing his eyes, he tried to focus on finding Urameshi's spirit energy.

Immediately he got dozens, maybe hundreds of signals! They were all clustered together - almost in neat rows, he thought - way off to his left and behind him. Each one of them felt like a low-level demon. That would be a really stupid way to go. He kept searching. Far, far in the distance, he found a signal of a much stronger demon. _That's probably the Dream Lord,_ he thought to himself. He wouldn't want to go that way, either. He wasn't about to try and fight the demon on his own turf, especially without Urameshi.

Ah, there! Suddenly he could feel it - a strong, feisty presence of what Kuwabara liked to think of as "good-guy" energy, the kind he felt when he hung out with Urameshi and Botan and that was also kind of half-present in Koenma. It was distant, but he felt like he wouldn't have a problem reaching it if he just followed his senses. Maybe if he could find Urameshi, they could team back up and bust out of here, even if no one else had managed to do it before. They weren't even feeling the "eternal torment" or whatever yet, were they? This would probably be way easier than Botan had made it out to be!

Kuwabara took off running in the direction of Urameshi's energy. As he got closer, he could tell that something wasn't quite right about the signal, but that was probably just because they were in crazy yellow world. The little tidbit that was missing probably had to do with this place not being _real_. Kuwabara kept running, not even bothering to open his eyes. It wasn't going to do him any good. But after a certain point, Kuwabara could feel the big demon energy - the Dream Lord - gaining on him from off to the right. He tried to pick up the pace. Hopefully he'd reach Urameshi in time for them to turn around and tag-team the little bastard.

He had almost reached Urameshi when he heard his voice call out. "_Kuwabara!_" Instantly, he froze.

The voice had come from much, much further away. From the place where he was sensing the Dream Lord's signal.

And from the energy right in front of him, there emanated a malicious, cackling hiss.

"You _fool_!" came the voice, in a timbre that Kuwabara had come to associate with demons that looked like giant insects. "You fell completely into my trap! Don't you see what you've done? In looking for your precious little friend, you came directly for me!"

And Kuwabara did see what had happened. It was suddenly all so clear. In the crazy reversed dimension where his spirit sword was indigo, demons felt like good guys and vice versa. He hadn't been running toward Urameshi's signal at all.

Furious, he focused his sword extra tightly and spun around, searching for the demon's actual form. "Come out and fight me, you big chicken!" he cried with false bravado. "I'm gonna take you out once and for all! There's no way you're getting to Urameshi!"

"_Kuwabara!_" the real Urameshi cried again. The voice was closer. But not close enough.

The gangly green and purple insect suddenly showed himself. "You talk big for someone so small," he sneered. "Remember, human, this is _my_ domain. _My_ dream. Anything I can imagine will happen to little old you!"

"What the --??" The sword in Kuwabara's hands had vanished, and though he knew he still had plenty of spirit energy left, he couldn't summon it back no matter how hard he tried. He panicked, grasping for it over and over, but it never re-emerged. He was about ready to just charge at the demon with his fists instead when suddenly, he became completely trapped within the nightmare paste, only his feet and head sticking out of the giant cocoon.

"_Damnit!_" he screamed, because Urameshi was still too far away, and what kind of warning could he give, anyway?

Then, the pain started.

"_Augh!_" he screamed, as he experienced the sensation of being skewered with thousands of needles. Every inch of his body that was covered by the goop suffered. It was total agony!

The Dream Lord laughed. "Do you know why I didn't cover up your head?" he said. "Even though I would love to cause pain over your entire face, where the skin is so sensitive?"

It hurt so much that Kuwabara couldn't respond.

"Hm? No?" said the demon. "It's because I just love to hear you _scream_!" The horrible sensations shifted, and now instead of needles it was fire. Kuwabara's entire body was being burnt to a crisp. He squirmed as much as he could against the paste, desperate to be free of such torture, but it didn't give an inch. It was stuck to him tight.

"Your friend is coming," said the demon, still chuckling. "The famous spirit detective. I can't _wait_ to deal with him!"

"U...Urameshi's gonna kick your _ass_," Kuwabara bit out, scowling at the Dream Lord. "Just you...wait."

"Hm, no, I don't think so," said the creature. "You see, this is _my_ world, and if you ask me I'd like my ass to stay kick-free!"

"Well that's just too damn bad," growled a voice, and Kuwabara turned his head as best he could toward it, excitement almost cutting through the pain. Urameshi! With white hair and an electric-gold field of energy charging in his hand. That was weird.

"There you are!" it shrieked.

"You let go of my friend, you freaky asshole," Urameshi snarled.

"No, I don't think I will," the Dream Lord replied.

"It wasn't a _request_!" Urameshi launched himself at the demon, skinny legs propelling him high into the air, and aimed his spirit gun at the creature's face point-blank.

But before he could let it loose, he was enveloped by the nightmare paste as well! He hovered, suspended in the air like a giant chrysalis, right across from Kuwabara. When their eyes weren't scrunched shut in pain, they could see each other clearly.

The horrible pain turned from blazing heat to unbearable cold.

"That's it, suffer! Suffer as the whole demon realm has suffered thanks to you ridiculous do-gooders!" Kuwabara could barely hear the Dream Lord's taunts over the clashing screams of pain coming from Urameshi and himself.

Wrenching his eyes open, he looked over at Urameshi, screaming in pain and rage. His face was a distorted mess, with a bit of blood seeping from his nose and his tightly shut eyes looking as though they might start crying. And suddenly, the stabbing frost of the nightmare paste didn't quite hurt as much. Nothing hurt as much as watching Urameshi get hurt.

"Stop it, stop it!" Kuwabara begged, his voice starting to go hoarse. "I can't take this shit any more!"

The Dream Lord appeared beside the two of them, studying Kuwabara's face with fascination. "What is thiiis? Are you suffering more just by watching this one suffer? How quaint. How very _human_ of you. Perhaps that would be punishment enough. After all, it's not _you_ I've been paid to kill."

Urameshi snapped into awareness at this. "Yes! Yes! Set him free! Get him out of here, anything at all..."

But Kuwabara had other ideas. "No, geez, shit! If you have to let anyone free, make it Urameshi. I just - I can't watch - "

"Kuwabara, don't be an idiot!" Urameshi shouted at him, even as the pain turned from ice to the stinging of a million insects. "I can take this," he said through clenched teeth. "You just get out of here and make sure everyone else is okay."

"But _damnit_, you asshole, I'm not gonna be much good if my freakin' heart is broken!"

Urameshi simply stared at him. Kuwabara knew that he was crying by now - the pain, both external and internal, was just too much any more. But there it was. He'd finally said it. And he _meant_ it. If they were gonna be stuck here to be tormented forever and then die horrible deaths, he just had to know that he'd done _something_ about all this ridiculousness.

"Both of you make very excellent cases," cackled the Dream Lord. "But at the end of the day, a reward is a reward!" And with a giant _slurp!_, the goo surrounding Kuwabara got sucked back into the great insect's mouth, and he dropped to the nonexistent ground, panting for relief while the demon just laughed and laughed.

He staggered to his feet and looked at Urameshi, the floating cocoon putting the detective just about his eye level. "Damnit, Urameshi..." he croaked.

"What are...you just standing there for," Urameshi demanded through clenched teeth, speaking quietly to keep the Dream Lord from hearing. "Go...kick...his ass!"

"My spirit sword doesn't work!" Kuwabara said, frantic but just as quiet. "And I don't think he's gonna let me get a punch in either!"

"There's got to be...something you can do," said Urameshi. "I know it's...not your strong suit, but... _think_!"

"Hey, I resent that comment!"

"_Kuwabara!_"

"Okay, okay!" The hurt look on Urameshi's face was almost more than he could take. If he didn't bust them _both_ out of here, he'd never be able to live with himself. There had to be some way he could kill that big ugly bug!

The big ugly bug hadn't seemed to notice their exchange, so focused it was on the pained expressions on both its victims' faces. "Yes, yes!" it cried. "Torment of the body _and_ torment of the heart! How exquisite!"

Think, Kuwabara, think! But all he could think about were thoughts of Urameshi. How he'd saved his friend once from this demon slime, only to fail at doing the same thing again. How he was pretty sure this whole situation, this unbearable pain in his chest, meant that his terrible crush wasn't going away any time soon. How he was pretty much Urameshi's only hope. How if he'd just figured out the whole opposite world thing, they might have stood a better chance -

"That's it!" he cried. Oh, but he was going to have to focus way harder than usual. It wasn't like an object he could hold in his hand.

"What's _it_?" crowed the Dream Lord. "You've already seen what happens when you try to use your foolish spirit weapon! It's not going to work here!"

"But I'm not gonna use _my_ spirit weapon," Kuwabara said with total confidence. "I'm gonna use _his_!"

And with all the effort he could possibly muster - all of his pain, his frustration, and his weird-but-_awesome_ feelings for Urameshi - he focused his spirit energy to a tiny point at the end of his right index finger.

"_Spirit gun!_" screamed Kuwabara, and the energy burst forth, sloppily, nowhere near as precise as Urameshi's, but with enough of a bang that it shot straight forward and pierced the Dream Lord right through his ugly bug head. As it screamed in pain, Kuwabara turned over his shoulder to make eye contact with Urameshi.

The detective merely smiled, and Kuwabara _actually_ felt his knees go weak.

But that might have had something to do with them suddenly, magically being on the solid surface of Urameshi's front lawn again.

-xxx-

They were sitting in Urameshi's kitchen, just the two of them now that Botan had left. She'd made them some tea to drink while they recuperated - thanks to some tonic she'd brought from the spirit world, they were healing incredibly quickly, but they both still looked (and felt) like all of their skin had been rubbed raw with sandpaper. It had also taken quite a while to get all of the gross purple stuff out from inside their ears. Neither of them were speaking.

Well, speaking _much_.

"So how did you know that would work?" Urameshi asked him.

"I didn't," said Kuwabara. "I'm not used to firing bullets at all."

"No, I mean the whole concept in general," he clarified. "Why should my technique work if yours wouldn't?"

"Because of the whole...opposite thing. I couldn't do what was expected of me, but I could do something that was the total reverse."

"_What_ opposite thing?" said Urameshi. "I still don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"Everything in that place was the opposite!" said Kuwabara, setting down his teacup. "That's why we were all those crazy colors, and the paste stuff and the weird void was yellow instead of purple - "

"Oh. Oh yeah, I guess it was kinda like that. _Weird._"

Kuwabara rolled his eyes and was about to take another gulp of tea when it occurred to him. "Wait. If you didn't realize it was the opposite thing, how did you know to come running toward me? Didn't my spirit energy feel like a demon's, the way yours did?"

"How the hell should I know?" Urameshi snorted.

"_What?!_ You mean you still couldn't tell?"

"Of course not," he said. "After all my training, all we did was prove that I'm completely hopeless when it comes to spirit awareness. That's why I was so worn out! I could never manage to do it the way I was supposed to."

"Well then what were you going to do about that thing just slinking around all invisible, and stuff?"

Urameshi's face went ever-so-slightly redder, and he looked irritatedly away. "Well, I guess I was...mostly counting on your dumb ass being there for me."

Kuwabara blinked at him. "Really?"

"Well yeah. I mean, that's always kind of been your gig, the whole spirit awareness thing. That's why we make a good team. You find the bad guys, and then I kick their asses."

"Hey, I can do some ass-kicking too!" Kuwabara protested.

"Well yeah, but still."

"...Yeah."

The conversation fell silent while they sat there, drinking the rest of their tea.

"So that whole...opposite thing," Urameshi said after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Was any of the other stuff you said in crazy nightmare-land the _opposite_?"

Kuwabara braced himself; they hadn't said anything yet about his sudden heartfelt proclamations. "No," he said finally. "That...that was all the real deal, I guess. Look, I'm sor--"

"_Good_," Urameshi said forcefully, cutting him off, and then he grabbed Kuwabara by the shoulder and yanked their mouths together in a kiss.

It was longer than their other one, and a little deeper, a little more forceful. Urameshi's grip on his raw skin definitely hurt, but it wasn't even important any more, because everything else that was going on was just _too awesome_. Urameshi didn't hate him for his stupid crush. Urameshi actually probably liked him back, and thought he was just being stupid about it this entire time. Urameshi was kissing him. And Urameshi was actually a pretty amazing kisser.

They broke apart after a minute, panting nervously, with Urameshi looking up at him as if waiting for his approval. It almost made Kuwabara laugh, it seemed so uncharacteristic of tough, forceful, confident Urameshi.

"We make," he said, just before finally initiating a kiss himself, "a _really_ good team."

This definitely beat out some stupid dream.

FIN


End file.
